he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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