Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
