I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
