My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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