A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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