the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
