Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
