Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
