Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
