He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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