me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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