I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
