my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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