My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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