Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
