Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
