I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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