Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
