I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize