I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
