I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize