You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
