Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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