I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
