For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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