Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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