this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
