I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What a dumb baby whore.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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