Buhtt sex?
Too much gin, very little bucket
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
