so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
