Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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