I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize