dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
