there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
