She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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