Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize