Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
smell my finger.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
