If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
