my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
