I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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