Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
