If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
