the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
