I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
