I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
even my farts smell like vagina
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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