Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
