Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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