Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
