i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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