dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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