glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
