I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
