Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
