mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
