I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
