Need sex. Gaining weight.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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