does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
