Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
