i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
