I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
