You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think a kid would responsible me up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
