They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
