a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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