I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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