I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
