guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
