dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
