so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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