our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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